rehab

All posts tagged rehab

When all Signs Point to Adderall (Signs and Tips for the Parents of an Adderall Abuser)

Published May 22, 2013 by lindseymeetsworld

When all Signs Point to Adderall (Signs and Tips for the Parents of an Adderall Abuser).

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HATING the ADDICT

Published February 26, 2013 by lindseymeetsworld

Drug addiction is so hard on the addicts family. It is mostly impossible to understand the brain of an addict if you have never been one.
The complexity of what is going on inside of an addicts brain can be overwhelming, and is usually very misunderstood by non-addicts. Chemically, it’s a MESS up there. Once you are hooked on drugs and you fry the natural endorphins in the brain, it becomes a VICIOUS CYCLE.
If an addict gets off of drugs they will be “down” for several months, maybe even more than a year until their body and brain realign. How can someone in recovery go to work and fully function when they are extremely weak, confused, ect??
If you want to get clean you have to basically eliminate all stress…including work. Realistically, this is not feasible for most people. And that takes us back to the VICIOUS CYCLE.
An addict cannot function without, plain and simple.

In Elementary school when they asked us what we wanted to be, do you remember anyone saying “I want to be a drug addict (alcoholic, ect)!!”??? 99% of the time this happens to us because of unfortunate events, not because WE WANT TO. Who would CHOOSE that kind of life.

To a non-addict: Try to remember the most helpless and hopeless you’ve ever felt. Put yourself back to that moment and feeling, it was aweful wasn’t it?? I can tell you from experience that drug addicts who are far into addiction feel that way all day, everyday. And not because they CHOSE to.

I was VERY LUCKY to have a great family to turn to, but SOOOOO many addicts do not. If you are hooked on Heroin and your mother constantly calls the cops on you, and your sister disowns you because she’s ashamed…..you pretty much have a ZERO percent chance of ever getting clean. And you know that!!! So when you yell at those people and they think your “such an asshole because of the drugs” you know damn well that you are frustrated because their display of love and “help” is ALL WRONG!!!!

Hating an addict put of sheer misunderstanding is plain ignorance. It’s actually an excellent example of ignorance.
If you LOVE someone you NEVER give up hope. If they refuse to ever quit, don’t drill them constantly, don’t disown them. All of these things will drive them away, make them more depressed, and it all adds to that VICIOUS CYCLE I keep referring to.

I would love to hear any comments you may have. I love to hear others thoughts an perspective on the issue of addicts….

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L0TS 0F L0VE FR0M LINDSEY

Just found this old “note” on my iphone

Published February 24, 2013 by lindseymeetsworld

I was going through my “notes” app and discovered this. I love to write, and when I get a thought, I jot it down. As a recovering addict, it is strange to read my clouded thoughts from the past.

~The Most Interesting Person Ive Never Met~

I want to blame my life. So many dark days haunt my mind, my soul. And as much as I wish they weren’t there, in a twisted way I am glad. Glad I have something to blame.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” they ask.

I respond in my mind “Do you know how ugly I am beyond what you see?”

“Whats it like to be so beautiful?” they ask

I look them strait in the eye and I truthfully respond, “Its a curse.” That usually shocks them. Not much of anything shocks me anymore.

I am the most interesting person Ive never met.

And in one fateful moment I realize: I can’t blame them. I blame ME.

For once, I blame ME.

I dont know what tomorrow will be like. I do know I’ll wake up weak, sometime throughout the day I will probably throw up, I’ll shake. Someday I will die like the rest of those like me, maybe sooner than usual. But I wonder: Will I EVER get a chance to meet me?

Sincerely,

I Dont Know

Confessions of a Drug Addict

Published February 23, 2013 by lindseymeetsworld

Drug addict.

When most people hear that they usually picture: A person strung out, greasy hair, trashed house, a lier, a thief, a cheat, just plain trash.

Its true most addicts are lairs, we live our lives based on lies. We will lie about almost anything and everything for one ultimate reason: Drugs.

I am in my late twenties and spent most, if not all, of my teenage and adult life as an addict. I always considered myself a “functioning addict” as I worked (hard), I generally always have done well for myself, and no one (besides my dealers) knew I was on drugs. I spent ALOT of energy making sure my peers did not know what I was up to.

Contrary to popular belief, I am actually quite intelligent and knew that one day I was going to have to do one of two things: Get sober or Die. So when I ultimately sat my family down and admitted defeat, some were pretty shocked to say the least.

Using all of the years of research Ive done, I knew I stood a very low chance of getting sober without rehab, and since I couldn’t afford rehab I knew I had to FIGHT. I also knew it was basically impossible to get sober without family support.

I medically detoxed myself and I sit here today many, many months later completely sober. I AM the 3% who did it without rehab.

As most people know, a drug addict will NEVER get clean if they dont WANT to. That was my problem, I didnt WANT to. I never knew any other way of life. All I knew was drugs. I had never functioned sober before. I was someone I had never met before.

Let me tell you a story that made me want to get sober, its what I call my “rock bottom”. When I use that term, I wasnt homeless, I never sold my body, but this was enough for me.

A usual day for me went like this: When I woke up I would take 5 Norcos, and when they kicked in I took 5 more. I wore 2 Fentanyl patches at all times, and shot up 2 full needles of Morphine a day. This was at my worst. I laid down for bed one night and felt afraid, I knew I had overdone it this time (I am 109 pounds, WAY too small to be taking these amounts of drugs) I was convinced that this was it, there was no way I was going to wake up. The past previous weeks I felt like I was slowly dying. I got out of bed and went into my daughters room (she is 3) where she was asleep. I sat next to her and said a prayer, I kissed her about 50 times, and apologized 50 more.

A clear head would think, how could you put yourself in such danger knowing you’re a mother? How selfish!!! And yes, I was as selfish as selfish came. The next morning, as God would have it, I woke up. My daughter crawled in bed with me and we just cuddled. She said to me in these exact words “I love you mama, promise you’ll never leave me”

If only she knew the impact that one statement would have on me. Out of ALL the reasons I have ever had to get sober, this put something in my brain. I swore that moment that it was time….I choose LIFE.

As the weeks went on and my mind became more clear, I realized things I never realized before. First and foremost I realized how SORRY AND STUPID I was. But…..I did it. I dont care if anyone wants to deem me for my past because I can say, in all honestly that I got sober, I admitted my problem, and I fought like a mother effer, and I DID IT!!!!

Ive always believed in God and I do believe we are all here for a purpose. I know I was meant to go through what I went through so I can help other people. Which I have.

This is my first blog but I will write many more. Feel free to write me, comment, ask for advice, trust me when I say NOTHING surprises me anymore.

I will always be an addict, but today I am a sober one.